Monday, 25 June 2012

Another Wait

Well I heard from Helen at the hospital today she is just so nice. I can't even remember leaving my name when I called for her on Friday and I didn't ask her to call me back bless her. She didn't have my notes back from the lab yet so I had to fill her in on what happened and she was lovely about it.

She has booked us in for a review appointment on 1st August at 9.30am.  I asked how long until we can start next treatment and she said at least Sept/Oct. It just seems so far away. And deep down I know it's going to be longer than this as she actually has people booked in the diary until then and won't book me in for treatment until I've had my review appointment which is 5 weeks away.

Everything is just a waiting game :-(

I was supposed to go back to work today (had booked this week off to be PUPO but cancelled it to save my days for next cycle) but I had to text my boss this morning to say I wasn't up to going in and I'm barely sleeping.

I am 30 in October.

Then is it's any later we are hitting Scottish winter territory and it may be a nightmare getting to hospital appointments. I can't use any holidays as I am saving them all for treatment.

Sorry for such a down blog entry but I am really not feeling positive today at all.


Friday, 22 June 2012

Brief Update

I called the lab at 12pm as we were on our way to Glasgow but sadly none of our 4 embryos were suitable for transfer so that is the end of our first cycle :-(

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Made the call...

Well I dutifully called the lab at 2pm today to hear that of our 9 fertilised eggs only 4 have made it to biopsy.  I am pretty upset at this as I really thought there would be more and therefore more chance of one or two (or more!) "normal" embies for us.  So we have basically gone from 16 eggs collected, to 14 suitable for ICSI, to 9 fertilised, to 4 suitable for biopsy.

Ihave also in the last few moments realised something else, its not just not having a baby at the end of this that is a worry, it's putting ourselves and our marriages/relationships, and our bodies through all of this to get nothing in return.  I really don't know if I will be able to do all this again. On the verge of tears here but I can't as I'm sitting at work. Really hope boss takes his time coming in this afternoon I really could do without him being here.

Cannot wait to get home tonight.

The worst part is that NO-ONE seems to "get" it.  I know that sounds really selfish but no matter how much I explain it to people they don't understand.  Even my mum just said oh so your biopsy will remove the abnormal cells from those 4. If only mum, if only.


Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Egg Collection

So yesterday morning I got up at 6am and we left for the hospital at 6.50am.  Got there in plenty of time as usual, checked in at reception and waited in waiting room, there was already one couple waiting. We had a brief meeting with a nurse about the anaesthetic, then DH went to do his sample.  Then we had another brief meeting with the doctor about the procedure.  Taken into the recovery room by lovely nurse Janice who was there for my scan on Saturday, she did my obs showed me to my bed, I got undressed into their gown and went to the loo then theatre! Hubby was told to go away for an hour so he headed off to the shops for wander.  Got the cannula in my hand and it was actually quite sore when the drugs went in, very uncomfortable, also had mask on, very quickly i was out for the count.  It was supposed to just be sedation but it felt just like GA to me which I am glad about! Came around in recovery felt very sore, but generally fine. Heard one of the nurses say to another that when hubby comes back she needed to speak to him. I got very worried so I asked for my phone and text hubby to tell him to hurry up. When he got back he went to find out and basically his sperm quality was substantially reduced compared to last year, he had to do another sample. They decided to change from IVF to ICSI where they inject the sperm into the egg directly. Now I am really worried.   They collected 16 eggs which I was very pleased with.

After a while Janice came to get me up but as I sat up I was in agony and started to cry - oh the shame! So she hurriedly put me back to bed and got the doctor.  I got some more painkillers. A while later it was feeling less sore so I got up, went for a pee and got dressed.  Was told to wait in waiting room again.  Waited for ages then she came to discharge me, got my pessaries and told to call at 10.15am tomorrow. She did threaten to keep me in overnight as I was obviously in pain but she let me go with a promise to go to my local A&E if need be.

Took us ages to get home due to road works and I felt terrible.  Straight to bed, slept on and off. Felt absolutely terrible very nauseous and in pain, couldn't eat. Very kindly hubby slept in the spare room bless him.

Slept on and off all night, luckily had set alarm for 10am to call the lab at 10.15am.  Of the 16 eggs collected, 14 were suitable to be injected, and of the 14 9 have fertilised.  Called hubby to let him know and he came home from work as he said he is emotionally knackered lol.

Now I have to wait until 2pm on Thursday to find out how many are suitable to be biopsied!!


Sunday, 17 June 2012

Bit of a rollercoaster few days!

So we had our appointment on Friday 15th June to see how our follicles are coming along with the stimms.  As we were leaving hubby and I had a huge row so I told him not to come as he would stress me out so off I went myself.  8.15am appointment again didn't have to wait long. Weather was just awful torrential rain and wind it was a yellow weather warning - not pleasant. Scan was ok.  Lots of follicles and lining was ok too.  Only problem was the biggest of the follies only measured 15 and they have to be minimum of 17 :-( I got some bloods done and she gave me away some extra gonal f and also my ovitrelle hcg booster and said they would call me to let me know what the plan of action was.  Got back to the car just before 9am and cried my eyes out! The first hurdle of the cycle.  Had to wait until 10am for acupuncture so lots of time to think.  Hubby called me when I was in tears and told me to go home after acu instead of going to work, I agreed it was for the best.  Glad I had my acupuncture as it really helps chill me out and focus. 

Got home just before 12pm. Had a cuddle with hubby and I went to bed with my hot water bottle. Hospital called me at 3pm and said I would have to go back the next day (Saturday) for another scan.  If follicles not big enough they would keep me stimming until ready then do EC and freeze the eggs.  This was the biggest shock, for all the research I have done for my IVF PGD I have not looked at anything FET (frozen egg transfer) related. This scared me.  Luckily a friend on a fertility forum is pregnant through FET PGD which gave me some hope and she told me some questions to ask. Never underestimate the power of fertility forums, they are my lifeline!

Cue Saturday morning another awful day weather wise.  Had to go to the ACS Suite this time. I felt much less comfortable as I had to change into their gown, head cap and blue booties as we were in theatre lol! Scan didn't go aswell either was extremely uncomfortable as it wasn't working properly so she was moving it around all the time ouch!!! Eventually we got going. Lining has got thicker again. Still loads of follies and one at 18 yeah!!!! she then scared me by saying my cycle would probably be cancelled as there were so many follicles similar in size. i was numb.  While waiting for consultant, she said to me is this your first IUI I said not its my first IVF PGD, to which she looked horrified and said of course my cycle will be fine, she thought I was IUI as they don't normally scan IVF ladies on a Saturday. PHEW!!!!!

After a wait she came with the good news that EC can still go ahead on Monday and to take my gonal f and ovitrelle at 7.30pm that evening.  And my last sniff at 6pm that night woohoo!!

Again, spent the rest of the day with hot water bottle.  Today has been mostly the same, relaxing in my pjs keeping warm.  Have to fast from midnight tonight, then up at 6am to leave before 7am eeek!

If I am feeling up to it I will update tomorrow when I am home and hopefully it will all have gone well!


Tuesday, 12 June 2012

A Long Overdue Update...

Sorry for taking so long to update - again! I have just been taking each day as it comes really.

Had our next hospital appointment on Thursday 7th June at 8.15am arrived way too early again but were seen first which was good. Internal scan showed lining was thin and ready to go, then nurse showed me how to do my gonal-f injections of which I am having 225 per injection. Had some blood taken then off we went with my purple bag of drugs (purple has always been my favourite colour).  Hubby treated me to breakfast in the hospital canteen of toast and bacon which was yum then we had to walk down the city for my acupuncture appointment.  It was fab, she is just lovely and really "gets" it.  I first seen her on 31st May she knows her stuff and is clued up on my hospitals protocols and consultants names etc! 

On Thursday and friday I had gonal f injections twice daily then it went back to once a day which I have chosen to do in the evenings. Starting on Saturday 9th June I have to sniff buserelin 4 times per day 7am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm.  I was at my local horse show on Saturday I was there much longer than planned but it was a lovely sunny day and I didn't do too much except walking and holding my horse it was great to spend time with him and he won both of his classes and went champion :-) 

Sunday I felt pretty awful and rested for most of the day.  Luckily I was reading fifty shades of grey trilogy and they were fab, really took my mind off all things IVF :-)

I am struggling with work now I can't seem to concentrate at all but luckily one of my colleagues is fab and told me anything I don't fancy doing just give to her which I am really grateful of.

had a few rocky patches with hubby and he told me he thinks that if our IVF fails then I will leave him. You would think our infertility is down to him - but it's me! Well all we can do is ride it out.  It's his birthday today so I gathered up the energy to make him his favourite for dinner steak, mushrooms, onion rings and fried egg lol!

On that note, my mum made me a massive pot of chicken and vegetable soup to help me eat healthy and get protein which is great so I have been taking it to work for lunch.

Back to the hospital on Friday 15th June for another scan and bloods so hope that goes well.  Which means perhaps only 3 more injections (plus HCG booster) left to go!!

Thanks for reading I will endeavour to update more regularly.

As a last note one of my cycle buddies sadly had a really awful experience and I just want to take this moment to say I regularly think of you hun and will always be here for you xxx

Love MrsM