Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Nothing much to update

But just wanted to put in here so I remember.

Last night (Christmas) DH and I were sitting peacefully and he said "I hope we have this baby" so I said "why?" and he replied simply "because I love it".

It really touched me.

We had a quiet Christmas I spent most of it in bed, pretty boring dinner for me too, I will attach a pic lol.  I did get very spoilt pressie wise from mum and gran though! Oh and I'm 14+4 today! xx

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

13+4 Today!

Well everyone I have passed the dreaded 12 week stage! I can officially say I am in the second trimester for the first time ever!

It has been tough being back at work even though boss was good and let me come back phased so the first week I just did 9am-12.30pm then the second week until 3pm then this week till 5pm which was a killer but that is me now finished for Christmas, 2 weeks off yay thank goodness for saved holidays! 

Things between Dh and I are good finally, he is very worried about amnio results, which I am too.  well, I am also nervous about the actual test itself too.

On Thursday 13th December I had my 12 week scan thats when they put my dates forward by 3 days :-) I was scanned for ages as baby was misbehaving and wouldn't lie still to be measured etc. Baby even tuned upside down at one point, then lay with its back to us and you could see all of the spine it was amazing.  Midwife was great with me when I told her my history, got a great scan pic with legs kicked out which I will add at the end.  I was also told I have to go for a glucose tolerance test as my last blood sugar was too high, but to be honest I think thats because I have to sook on mint humbugs all day to stop being sick!

On that note the sickness has been better just some evenings it comes back with a vengeance.  I have had some heartburn too and the gaviscon tablets are disgusting.  I managed out for my works Christmas lunch which was amazing I just ate a little but I wasnt sick yay!

I even ordered some maternity clothing! I think I am getting carried away!  Just basic dresses to get by as my bump is swelling and very uncomfy in my usual clothing.

Outside of baby life Im not really having any life at all I am just soooo tired all the time. Speaking of which its almost 7pm bed time so good night all xx

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Getting there

Well I am 11+2 today!!!!

Last Friday I travelled all the way to go and get my CVS done, it was such a cold day too.  I was taken in for a scan first so they could see where the placenta was.  I think I was convinced baby would be dead as it normally is but imagine my surprise to see it moving around wriggling and kicking and punching it was sooo funny I laughed and DH got embarrassed at it was all very serious.  Sadly they couldn't do the CVS as my bowel was in the way.  They booked me in again for today but after a chat with DH we decided to cancel and just wait for amnio which is now 11th January when I will be 16+3.

I have my 12 week scan exactly a week today when I will be 12+2 which I am excited about to see baby again hopefully moving around like last time.

Yesterday I got a call from IVF clinic saying I can start my next cycle asap.  I apologised profusely that no-one had passed the message on that I'm preggers all DIY style! she was really nice and we had a nice chat she was very understanding about the hyperemesis as she suffered from it.

Seems I am in good company with my illness as hte Duchess of Cambridge has it too.  I am so upset though by the facebook and twitter comments slating her and saying its just a bit of morning sickness etc, oh if only they knew the half of it I tell you!!!!

In relation to the HG I am ok in mornings now and did my 4th morning back at work today.  Im not going to lie it has been a struggle and I am absolutely knackered but Im in bed by 7pm every night! 

Things are gradually getting better between DH and I probably because I am able to do a bit more now.

Please let me be one of the ones who has it disappear completely by 2nd trimester pretty please!!!!!

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

10 weeks!

Well today I am 10 weeks pregnant.

I had my booking in appointment this morning which went ok & they gave me a new vitamin instead of just folic acid which had vit D in it.  Had to have bloods done twice as she forgot one which was not very nice.

I am waiting for the doctor to call me back as my meds have run out and I need more and I missed his call this morning boohoo I hope I get them soon as due to take them in 3 hours eek!

I managed to go to Tesco and I got 2 CD's and some xmas cards yay finally something done for xmas.

The sickness has been more controlled and I am surprised at how ok I feel today after a terrible sleep, which then makes me panic that everything is not well with baby.  I really need to try to get back to work soon though scared incase boss puts me on SSP without telling me, we only get 4 weeks sick pay in a year anything else is at his discretion.

CVS in 3 sleeps time Im quite nervous about it to be honest!

DH and I still not getting on well he is not feeling good and is taking it out on me and wants me to do more in the house, well I would if I could I just cant believe he doesnt know how much a struggle the slightest thing is for me.


Saturday, 17 November 2012

Quick update

I am so sorry I've been unable to update my blog. I have been very poorly for the last 3 weeks now with the Hyperemesis.  I have just got home from my 5th hospital admission, 3 drugs 3 times per day and still can't keep it at bay. I have finally talked the doctor into giving me Ondansatron which is the only thing that seems to help a bit. So I am now on 4 tablets 3 times per day, as well as a vitamin tablet 3 times per day!.

Yesterday I had a scan (my 4th one!) and today I will be 8+4, DH was there at the scan for the first time.  Everything is looking ok.

We have our CVS booked for 30th November which I am quite nervous about.

I also had acupuncture on NHS for the Hyperemesis, they just put one needle in each wrist but Ive to go once per week.

DH is starting to struggle with all of this we had a big fight today (in the hospital, luckily I had a private room) he reminded me that he just had a heart attack 3 months ago and he feels really stressed out, can't sleep for worrying about me and baby etc.

Anyway I need my bed again, just wanted to check in xxx

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Trying Times

So today I am 6+3 or 7+1.

I wakened up for work on Wednesday 24th October and when I went to pee I had brown discharge. I went back to bed, not even surprised.  I text my best friend from work and asked her to tell boss as I couldn't face texting him as I had no idea what to say.  Couldn't get in touch with hubby as he is not allowed phone at work as he works in petrochemical plant.  I had no idea what number to call as when this all happened before it was at the old hospital and I had all the relevant contact numbers.  After a few attempts I got the right number but constantly going to voicemail so I left a message as requested.  This was at 8.30am.  By 10.30am no call back so called again and got straight through.  When I explained my history the midwife was lovely and booked me in for scan at 1.45pm. 

I was there for ages they were soooo slow.  No heartbeat seen but measuring 2.6 (5-6 weeks) and fetal pole seen so booked in for follow up/viability scan for Wednesday 31st October.

I stayed off work on the Thursday too. I was also very sick.

I forced myself to go to work on the Friday as I had the following week off so had to finish stuff off.  I really struggled I was so ill.

By Friday evening I could not keep down any food or fluids.  The Hyperemesis Gravidarum was back.  HG is severe morning sickness and I cannot stress how horrible it is, you can never imagine how it feels until you experience it.  You actually think you are going to die.  

In hindsight I should have gone to hospital on Saturday but when I had HG 2 years ago you had to be really really bad before they saw you so I put it off until my urine got darker.  Saturday night was horrific I was literally over the toilet every 10 minutes even when nothing was coming up I was still actually being sick.

As soon as I could on Sunday morning I called the hospital and went in.  Got there at 9.30am.  Waited for almost 2 hours to be seen it was horrible I felt like I just wanted to curl up and die.  In waiting room in maternity with heavily pregnant women.  Finally I was taken into a delivery room eventually put onto drip for fluids, Hartmanns, and had stemetil injection in my bum, they are soo stingy.  The venflon they put in me was absolute agony I should've known there was something wrong with it.  I sent hubby home to see to the dogs etc as he hates hospitals they make him really stressed.  Soon after my arm was all swollen more than twice its size I had to ask a nurse as she passed (they did not give me the alarm), she got someone to check it and agreed they had missed the vein and the fluids were going into the tissue.  She had to put another line in at the crux of my right arm. My urine came back with 4 + of ketones which is pretty badly dehydrated and one + of protein.  I was lain on the bed in my clothes, it wasn't even a proper bed it was a delivery room bed, i was freezing I had to ask for a blanket.  I was basically just left, no-one came to check on me at all.  At around 4pm a nurse came told me I was being moved to a ward little did I know hubby had been waiting outside for 15 minutes to see me! He eventually got in when I was in ward and he was not amused.  I then asked if I was being kept in and they said I had to check with the person who had been looking after mw (erm no-one!!)  They linked up my drip again and it was blocked.  She tried to unblock it and got blood all over the bed :-(  She said she would get someone to change the bed.

Around 5pm the doctor came round and he told me I would be staying in.  He asked if I had eaten I said no but I felt hungry so he told them to get me food thankfully as they never offered me any dinner.  I had a wee drop of soup.  I still felt sick so got a cyclizine injection in my bum too.  I got changed into my nightie and got into the bed (which still hadn't been changed).  I slept terribly due to the line in my arm.  

8.30am we were wakened with lights on and breakfast. I had some orange juice and tried some toast.  Left my urine sample as you do. I still had 4 + of ketones!!!

Absolutely no phone signal at all which is a nightmare as you can't keep in touch with family.

Lunch time 12pm I had some soup which was yummy and an egg sandwich I ate it all.  Doctor came around she was really nice and interested in hearing about my history she said I could get home with meds and come in as soon s sickness starts again.

Hubby appeared just as doctor was leaving which was a surprise as he was supposed to be at work.

At 3.30pm I left the hospital.

My mum brought over some soup for me then I went to my own big cosy bed!!!

On Sunday when I was lying on that delivery bed I broke down to hubby and said if we don't get to keep this baby do you still want to keep trying, IVf etc? He welled up and said he would do whatever I wanted.  I was just totally broken by that point.  When he brought it up yesterday he started crying again, the reason he didn't go to work is he was up all night worrying about me and our baby plans and the 4+ years already spent on this journey and all we have been through emotionally and physically.

When I was discharged yesterday I was told the lovely lady doctor wants to see me at her surgery on Monday about my translocation and they have requested my medical noted for then.

In the meantime I have my scan tomorrow, no idea what that will bring, I just hope that my baby is still in there and I have not endured this horror for nothing :-(

Today hasn't been too bad, only been sick once but have no energy and very shaky.

I will try to update tomorrow xxx

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Wow what a 30th that was!

Since 8pm on Tuesday 15th October I was in bed really ill with a flu bug.

Last night (Thursday 17th October) I was lying in bed & couldn't quite remember what cycle day I was so got up to check, it was the end of CD37.  Normally I am 32 and no more than 36.  I put it down to being ill and prepared myself for AF arriving the next day on my 30th birthday.

This morning I turned 30.  I had to go to work as I had an important client coming in specifically to see me so dragged myself to work.  Packed bag with tampons & painkillers.

Work colleagues gave me a lovely bunch of flowers and a Debenhams giftcard. Client called to say he had to go away on a job so couldn't make it in argh!  I felt rubbish all day.  Luckily it was a pretty easy day.

Near home time I felt very sick and faint.  We had agreed hubby would make me steak & potatoes for dinner and cheesecake for pudding yum. I really didn't feel like eating.

Got home and went to toilet, POAS bam straight away 2 strong lines on a Superdrug test. In shock. 

Went downstairs and told hubby he was shellshocked too.  Just goes to show his heart attack definitely was the effect on his sperm! 

Poor hubby was making dinner I just kept saying bad words, I was so stunned I didn't know what to do.  Mum was coming over at 6.30pm, at least she knew I had been ill so I didnt have to pretend to feel great! I hardly ate any dinner, have no appetite at all.

So now the worry starts. I think I will be almost 5 weeks, I will do a CB digi in the morning.

Hubby has sperm sample on 1st November so he will still be going for that and we will keep our clinic appointment for 19th December.  I am not expecting this pregnancy to go all the way but there is a flicker of hope that this is our time.

I've no idea where to go from here.  I need to speak to the genetics counsellor discuss CVS and possible early scan too.

We both agreed we wouldn't try naturally ever again as the odds are extremely high it will end in miscarriage, or baby will be born with severe defects/disabilities and more than likely die extremely young if it is affected by my translocation.  We thought hubbys sperm was so bad there was no way he could get me pregnant (he hadn't in a year!).

Oh well.  Pleaseeee let this be it for us I am begging all the powers that be.

I did the EDD calculator and ironically it is 22nd June 2013, the anniversary of our first ICSI PGD cycle being abandoned on day of ET!

I can't help but feel terrible for the many many many IF friends I've made and I hate posting about my BFP in this manner.  I really don't want them to think I'm ungrateful, I really am not I promise.  It's just so hard.  I know it must be horrible for some of my friends who can't conceive naturally for this to happen to me and I truly hope you can understand.

In my last pregnancy I suffered terribly from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe morning sickness) and was hospitalised a few times.  The way I feel right now this may go the same way!

But, seriously I am literally just waiting for the bleeding to start.  How bad does that sound?!

Anyway I just wanted to try to explain a bit for those who don't know, hope it's been helpful.


Monday, 15 October 2012

15th October

Baby Loss Awareness Day

International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

National Wave of Light

There are a few names for this, it's not just here in the UK.  For one very special day in the year all of us mothers and fathers come together to remember, reflect and share our losses.  It's a very special group, one that no-one wants to be a part of but one we are glad to have here for us. 

There is still such a taboo about being open about loss.  Even now I am wary of posting relative things on Facebook - but why??? It's my Facebook page, it happened to me, it's my life.  And most of all, we need to talk about it.  We don't want people to pretend it doesn't happen.  It's all very well the posts and scan pictures all over Facebook on a daily basis but what about us, why do we suffer in silence and when we do get help/advice/support/understanding it's only in our lovely wee family off loss that we can find it.

So tonight I lit my candles and remember my 3 darling angel babies gone far too soon.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Happier Times

I just had to blog.

I have never felt so happy in such a very long time.

4 years trying to start a family, 3 miscarriages and 1 failed IVF - DESTROYS you as a person and has such a huge impact on your life and your views on life and things in general.

So last night was a ceilidh/disco for the riding school to mark 40 years of business and as a fundraiser for Cancer Research as my friend/instructors dad who owns the riding school had a very close brush with cancer last year.  I was actually dreading it. I've not been out socialising much with this group of friends from the stables where I ride my friends horse.  Hubby isn't big on socialising especially with strangers. It wasn't going to go well.

So we arrived a bit late but got a seat at a large round table right beside dance floor with some friends who were already there. Grabbed a drink! Everyone was so nice and welcoming, speaking to hubby and making him feel comfortable, my friend/instructor is amazing she sat with him for a while bringing him out his shell. I went and did a few Scottish dances with my friends and it was great fun, although I am very unfit! Good friend whose horse I ride, her husband to be gets on great with my hubby and they eventually even got my hubby to DANCE!  It was really good fun I could go with all my friends and dance and not worry about having to look after hubby we had an absolute ball I was so so happy :-)  Was very disappointed when the evening came to an end.

Feeling very loved up with hubby and it feels amazing to actually feel properly happy.  A full night of no IF, apart from at the start of the night one friend I havent seen for a while asked when next IVF is and that was it! I was free from IF woohooooo!!!!!!!

Thinking back to one of my previous blogs about lack of friends, well last night just proved I have so many genuine friends who do care and want me to be happy :-)

We are all off out again on Friday night for my friends 21st, her birthday is on Thursday same as mine, although I am 30 and she is insisting we share her party and I have to do a speech bless her - its her party lol!

Downside, I drank wayyyyy to much and have spent all day in my pj's can can't wait to get to bed after X-Factor lol!!

Top night I am so thankful for my friends :-) xxxxxxxxxx

Sunday, 7 October 2012

In Memory Of Louise Imrie

Today signifies the anniversary of the last time I saw Louise compete, at Gleneagles cross country.  She was doing pairs and her friend pulled out on that morning she was very lucky that another friend very kindly agreed to come and I am very thankful for that.  And it was also to be the last time I saw Lou ride too.

On Friday 18th November 2011 Louise was at school and had to go to the nurse as she was complaining of a headache.  She blacked out in the nurses room there and then and never came around.  She died on Sunday 20th November.  She donated 5 organs and saved 5 lives.  I am so proud of her and my amazing friend, her mum, Gillian.

As fate would have it, on Thursday night I stopped in for petrol on way home from the stables and they were parked in front of me, I am so glad to have spoken to her the day before that fateful day.  And on hindsight she wasn't her usual self, I wonder if she had a headache then.

Laterally we have one of those friendships where you didnt see each other much but always picked up where you left off.  I was there as Lou grew up with the ponies and I led her on the lead rein at shows on her wee Shetland pony Rocky and watched her grow up and onto bigger, different and more challenging horses.  Monty, Wotsit, Cleo.  I remember I took her to showjumping on Monty and I had a go round too lol (this is a wee Welsh Sectioon A lol!!).  And one time she was jumping him (he had a very dirty stop on him for a while) he was being very bad so I got on for her and he ditched me lol, she never let me live it down.  She turned out to be a fantastic jumper and very capable rider on a very difficult horse.  Such a shame to lose such young talent and an amazing girl she was so cheeky yet loveable and caring young lady who would give everything for her horses.

So although its not the anniversary of her death, I am thinking of her a lot today as the last time I saw her in action.

Just realised I didnt say what happened to her, she had a massive bleed on the brain, age only 14 :-( .  According to the doctors she had it all of her life and it just randomly burst as it would have done one day.  I remember Gillian telling me she is glad she didnt know she had it or she would have wrapped her up in cotton wool, not let her ride and fulfill her dreams like she did every day of her life

RIP Lou never forgotten xxxxxxxx

PS my Blog profile pic is actually she memorial pic I chose to put on facebook for Lou and I think its so relevant to her xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am making this post in this colour as it was her fave. Rather than my fave purple xx

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Well it's October

and I turn 30 on the 18th! Eeeek!

I am feeling very down today and I thought perhaps blogging may help.

No updates on IVF number 2 sadly, the days are literally just dragging in and I can't seem to think of anything else.  I am really hoping it is January but I highly doubt it. Yet another awful Christmas & New Year to look forward to.

I started back on my Pregnacare conception tablets yesterday and Im starting to go riding a couple of times a week again starting on Friday which may help with my state of mind, and also getting me back to some level of fitness and loss of weight!! Here's hoping.

I love the IF family I have met on online forums and on twitter, but lately I've been wondering if it's good for me. Most of my friends are mid treatment and have lots going on & it makes me feel a little....jealous...I suppose is the word.  I just feel totally robbed that from my 16 eggs I had none for transfer.  It's so unfair and I don't know what we did to deserve this. Life never seems to go our way.  Don't get me wrong I am so happy for everyone, I know how hard this journey is.  I am supposed to feel accepted in these places and among people that know what I'm going through but at the moment I feel lost and it's horrible I wish people could understand how had it is not to have even got to ET and been PUPO. I try my best to be there for everyone, do I do something wrong? Its the same in real life too no matter how hard I try with friends I never seem to get anything back. It hurts.

One IF friend who has been totally amazing and feels like the best friend is the world is my Jess. Jess had 2 embryos put back and is now 20 weeks pregnant with triplets, after having TTTS surgery 2 weeks ago. I am so proud of her she is such a strong yet loving and caring person, its just a shame she lives so far away :-(  I have already chosen 2 pressies for the babies I can't wait for them to arrive safe & sound and I soooo want to make a point of visiting them. 

I have no-one in real life to talk to and I can't stop thinking of how I must fail as a friend to end up having none.

Sorry for the self indulgent put down blog.  Hopefully next one will be better.

MrsM xxxxxx

Friday, 21 September 2012

Thought I better blog....

Well I haven't blogged in a while, since my update about DH's heart attack.

He is doing great has lost about 2 stone in weight and is looking great, he is a much happier/better person now too which is great for me! He had an Echo scan which they said looked good but we are waiting for the report from the specialist consultant.

His sperm sample appointment is 1st November and clinic appointment is 13th December. I will be very annoyed if they are fully booked for January and February as when I called her and asked if we could be put in the diary she said no not until clinic appointment. I am hopeful his sperm is back to normal and it was his heart problem that caused the dramatic drop. Fingers crossed. The only thing that can possibly help next treatment is better fertilisation so more eggs can get to PGD testing.

I haven't been doing so good. Can't seem to get back to eating well and exercising, the urge to eat junk food especially at weekends is sooo bad! Also been feeling very down as my old best friend from school days and we used to work together recently had a baby and is now planning her wedding. all good. She rarely posts on FB but has taken to posting very soppy girly posts about her "new" best friend and how they had a girlie day out wedding dress shopping and drinking champagne etc today and she picked "the" dress. I admit, I am jealous of this other friend. I want it to be me. she obviously does not feel anything for me anymore. I am tempted to just remove her from FB and forget about her as she seems to have done me.

So I spent my day off today at the stables with my new friend, we rode out on our friends 2 horses as she is away. The friend has loads to do so I rode her horse (I rode him while she was pregnant and we love each other) i took a brave pill and took him into the stubble field we had a blast had a proper gallop and even popped a few wee jumps in the jump field too. He was a star. I had a huge cheesy grin on my face. I can honestly say that is the happiest I have felt in a very long time! Although I now won't be able to walk for a few days!

Since my treatment wont be till next year I will be riding him through the winter for her again to keep him fit as she events him, they were in Horse & Hound magazine this week!!

Anyway its after 11.30pm and I need my bed so goodnight Bloggers xxxx

Monday, 27 August 2012

Wed 8th/Thur9th August - Scary Times

Well on Tuesday DH had me up all night as he was suffering from acid.  He has a hiatus hernia so if often bothered with acid.  so on Wednesday night he still wasn't feeling well and was snoring so I couldnt get to sleep, at midnight I gave up and went to spare room.  Was finally falling asleep and Dh woke me up, said I would have to take him to hospital. It was 1am. I was not amused. Threw some jogging trousers and a work top on, with trainers and Berghaus jacket (yes I looked a complete state). Sorted out the dogs and off we went to A&E. Took us just over 20 minutes to get there then had a nightmare finding A&E then finding parking, gave up and parked at drop off so I took him in, checked in then I went to move car. Got back to be told he had been taken in and they would come and get me. This was at 1.45am. 2.45am came and still no-one came. I was getting really annoyed thinking great NO sleep before work I am going to be knackered and crabby! Finally around 3am a nurse came and called me through. Was very weird she was asking if I was ok etc and I was just like yeah I'm fine just tired, how is he she said hes doing ok but the doctor will come and have a word with you if you wait here you can you your husband soon.  So I waited in a corridor and then a nurse took me to him. he was covered in sweat, hooked up to machines and monitors, he was out of his face on drugs and smiling at me! Finally doctor came and told me they thought he was suffering from a heart attack so they were waiting for an ambulance to take him to Edinburgh Royal specialist cardiac ward!

I burst into tears! & started to shake. DH was smiling its ok Im fine (yeah that was the high doses of morphine talking) the doctors and nurses were useless didnt tell me anything or help me. I had to ask if I go or drive there etc they said if I have car I better drive or be stranded in Edinburgh. So of course next question is how the hell do I find this place. I was promised directions be printed off. The ambulance guys arrived they were fab and explained everything to me, dead nice guys really helpful, normal and understanding. He said I should leave as they would get there way before me. Still no directions from nurse so I went to the desk to ask they were all standing around in a circle obviously discussing my husband.  I heard a doctor say they needed a cardiac specialist to travel in ambulance. I eventually had to say excuse me and ask for directions and finally they got me some so I headed off. It was 3.30am.  I called my boss and left a voicemail, text my mum and best friend from work. Then I braved the drive to the hospital. I am useless at driving places I dont know and I hate driving the Edinburgh bypass.

All the way there I was shaking like a leaf, all over the road luckily there were no other cars on the road. Kept waiting for the ambulance to pass me but it never did. Got lost almost at the hospital (later discovered I was 100 yards from hospital entrance when I about turned!) phone sat nav took me through a wee housing estate then found it. Saw A&E straight away, got parked no probs, a few ambulances there great. Went to desk nope not there yet.  In the meantime I managed to get a spot under my nose to bleed badly so was sitting like an idiot with blood soaked toilet roll under my nose.  sat there till 5am then asked again if she could find out where he was, crazy thoughts were running through my head. Lo and behold they had admitted him straight to the ward so made my way up there. The nurses were amazing and knowledgeable. I was soooo tired. They set about stabilising DH and his pain. 

We decided I would call his dad at 6.30am as he is normally up by then anyway and ask him to go and see to the dogs.  The ward was CCU (coronoray care unit) and had a lovely relatives room. I had text  his dad saying call me when you get this text.  I went to call him and told him what happened, he LAUGHED! and said Ive been telling him about his weight. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. The first person I spoke to, I needed support!!!! I was seriously unimpressed and got him to agree to go let dogs out. DH was not surprised when I told him and thats why he didnt want to tell him in the first place.  At 7am the nurse said I should go home for a rest and bring DH back some things. I needed sleep, but so did DH too I think. Called FIL to tell him no need to come over but he was at gym so BIL partner (they stay with him) said she would tell him. Managed to get home in one piece, let dogs out for a pee, puppy had held it in I was so proud of him as he has been a nightmare to toilet train. Then I went to bed. had literally curled up in the covers and FIL came in. I stayed in bed didnt even bother getting up. I heard him play with the dogs in the garden though & couldnt sleep!

DH text me around 11am and I woke up so got up - an hour sleep. Hurriedly got things organised in the house, packed a bag for DH, stopped at Tesco and back to hospital. Took over an hour to get there and traffic was a nightmare. Oh also had to pay for parking at hospital, 5 hours was about £7!!

By the time I got to the hospital, around 2pm, Dh had had angiogram and a stent fitted. He was doing ok. Still a bit tachycardic.  How did it get to Thursday afternoon so quickly. Text mum to see if she would make me dinner thankfully she said yes and I got there for dinner around 8pm then home to bed.

They told him he may get moved to local hospital so on Friday I waited for that news.Finally heard no beds in local hospital so staying in Edinburgh.  I got there around 1pm. Then they told me he was moving to a ward in there that has set visiting times so I may have to go home and back again!! Erm I dont think so I was so annoyed.  Luckily the nurse was nice in the ward and said I could stay. DH was in a room of 4 and they were hilarious older men. Proper comics they were I was in stitches at them. At 4pm I left to miss the traffic, mum made dinner again. DH friend from work and his partner went to visit him in the evening which was lovely of them I was sooo pleased!!!

On Saturday morning the doctor said he was v pleased with his progress and he could go home that afternoon so DH said he would let me know when to come for him. So all morning I did housework as his brother was supposed to come see him when he got home. I picked him up about 2pm. He was so glad to be out of there and walk around and get some fresh air.

As we neared home we passed the pub along the road and his 2 brothers and dad were there so he made me stop and we went over to see them before going home, then walked over to BILs house to see SIL (she is a stroke nurse) we had a good natter then finally went home and DH had some rest.

The first thing DH said to me in A&E was, what about our IVF. Bless him.

I had to cancel his appointment for sperm sample for the following week and was told we had to wait 4 months before going any further. :-( Very disappointed. Over the moon that DH is ok but we both wanted this IVF journey over and done with either way by the end of the year so that if we arent going to have a baby then 2013 is our moving on year. I will call the hospital when DH gets back to work to see if we can pre plan dates rather than wait 4months then have to wait as per diary!

DH is doing really good and has lost a lot of weight and is really watching what he eats. I am very proud of him. Its also changed him he is a lot more understanding and loving bless him xxxxx

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Review Appointment

Well on Wednesday 1st August 9.30am we had our review appointment at Glasgow Royal.  And as usual for my trips to Glasgow the weather was awful.  Arrived dutifully at 9.15am.  Sitting in waiting room and nurse comes to tell me we aren't in the book so she would go and speak to someone.  I started to panic thinking we had wasted our time and taken time off work to go there :-(

I was also looking forward to this morning as I was hoping to meet a fellow PGD friend who I met online who had her appointment after me at 10am. She arrived at 9.45am, I still hadn't heard anything from the nurse, so she urged me to go and ask.  I did and the nurse said it was fine I was on the clinic list? Weird, anyway!  Had a lovely chat with my friend and her DH and I think it actually helped my DH relax too as he really hates hospitals, he is a mess! And it is the least tense and nervous I have been in that wee room with various couples sitting mainly in silence, it was so good just to chat it out! eventually they took me in at around 10.15am.  There was a doctor, our PGD co-ordinator and a geneticist.  Basically they were happy with our cycle was just bad luck that all 4 embryos tested to have my translocation.  They will not change anything about my protocol so that sounds positive.

Next up for discussion was DH sperm.  Finally managed to get numbers from them which had proved a nightmare before.  Basically last year his count was 124 million and on day of EC it was less than 0.1 million.  He is booked to go in on 16th August to do a sample and it will be stored, just incase when treatment comes around the sperm may be worse again.  Doctor was concerned it may be a medical problem and asked DH if he had found any lumps or anything out of the ordinary, thankfully he hasn't. Then came the inevitable question, did he take steroids! My DH is quite a big guy and he does work out, do weights, and MMA type sports but he does not take anything illegal, it always offends me when they ask that. I am not saying he is an angel, and yes 15 years ago he did take them.

The only thing we can think is because he had been ill around EC, he was run down, had cold sores, was hardly sleeping, that this affected the sperm.  So now I have him religiously on Wellman Conception, Bee Pollen, Royal Jelly, L'arginine, zine, vit C, & Q 10 lol!

I also asked what painkiller i was given after EC as it made me really ill, they told me the medical term for it and now I can't remember what it is, I will have to ask again so I can be sure to be careful of being given it again.  PGD co-ordinator did say I shouldn't have been given 2 of them though she was surprised I wasn't hallucinating!

My last point was to find out more about my translocation as all I know if its 7 & 9! Doctor was surprised as he said they have a lot more info than that on file which I was a bit annoyed about, but the genetics lady was lovely and said she will be happy to research my translocation and write to me with her findings so I look forward to receiving that, hope it's not too long.

To finish up I asked how long it will be until we can get started again. Doctor said as soon as DH has given sample we can get moving but PGD co-ordinator interrupted and said no way as they are full for August and September and it will be end of October, or November. 

The main thing is to get DH sperm back up though but I just feel Oct/Nov is so far away and then into winter travelling into Glasgow, god help me if we get all the snow we had the year before last!! And I wonder what they do if any dates fall around Christmas?!

Went to briefly see my lovely friend and her DH in waiting room before we left, poor them having to wait as they messed up my appointment :-(

So I have had a good few days blow out eating all sorts of rubbish, drinking coffee, coca cola!

Mum took me out to lunch today as DH and my 2 sisters are away to Blackpool (not together) which was nice :-)

Didn't realise how down I had been feeling until today, had music blaring and had a good old clean in the house and feeling so much better!

Work is absolutely terrible, can't look for anything else until the end of our IVF journey, but with any luck we will know by the end of 2012 if we will have a baby or not.

Thanks for reading


Saturday, 7 July 2012

Trying to get back to normal

Well since my last update, I was also off work to following day as I had a terrible cold, boss was surprisingly understanding. So I worked the Wed, Thur and Fri I really didn't want to be there and the days dragged in. Of an evening I read my Jilly Cooper Riders book it is just fab!

And on the Thursday evening we got a new puppy!!! He is the exact same breed as our baby boy we lost to cancer in February (I blogged about it) dad is a bullmastiff and mum is a dogue de bordeaux. His name is Chumlee named after the guy on Pawn Stars programme on Sky lol. He is complete mischief and completely different to Wendall in every way. I think Tara is pleased to have company again though.

The weather here has been so depressing, constant downpours, always wet!

On Wednesday this week I went riding again! On my beautiful Sunny, in the pouring rain we got totally drenched but it was wonderful and it really cheered me up so much. I am going to ride him again tomorrow!

I have been eating really badly so need to get that sorted out and try to lose some weight before next treatment.

I just can't wait for it to get started again. Just feel at a loose end right now.

Also in other news, last night for the first time in 4 months hubby and I had sex!! I felt like a born again virgin but I felt sooo desperate I have to jump him when I went to bed at 1am after staying up to finish my next book Jilly Cooper Rivals! I think he was pleasantly surprised lol! We seem to be getting along really well since that fateful day of 22nd June, fingers crossed it continues so I think our bad patch must have been down to IVF pressures.

I have my friends son's 21st party next Saturday and colleagues wedding the following Wednesday I treated myself to 2 new dresses in Debenhams sale absolute bargains, and I'm getting my hair and nails done on Saturday woohoo and plan to get very drunk. hubby is going away to Newcastle on 21st to a  gig and to Blackpool on 4th August to another gig so that will give him something to focus on.

3 weeks on Wednesday until review appointment!


Monday, 25 June 2012

Another Wait

Well I heard from Helen at the hospital today she is just so nice. I can't even remember leaving my name when I called for her on Friday and I didn't ask her to call me back bless her. She didn't have my notes back from the lab yet so I had to fill her in on what happened and she was lovely about it.

She has booked us in for a review appointment on 1st August at 9.30am.  I asked how long until we can start next treatment and she said at least Sept/Oct. It just seems so far away. And deep down I know it's going to be longer than this as she actually has people booked in the diary until then and won't book me in for treatment until I've had my review appointment which is 5 weeks away.

Everything is just a waiting game :-(

I was supposed to go back to work today (had booked this week off to be PUPO but cancelled it to save my days for next cycle) but I had to text my boss this morning to say I wasn't up to going in and I'm barely sleeping.

I am 30 in October.

Then is it's any later we are hitting Scottish winter territory and it may be a nightmare getting to hospital appointments. I can't use any holidays as I am saving them all for treatment.

Sorry for such a down blog entry but I am really not feeling positive today at all.


Friday, 22 June 2012

Brief Update

I called the lab at 12pm as we were on our way to Glasgow but sadly none of our 4 embryos were suitable for transfer so that is the end of our first cycle :-(

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Made the call...

Well I dutifully called the lab at 2pm today to hear that of our 9 fertilised eggs only 4 have made it to biopsy.  I am pretty upset at this as I really thought there would be more and therefore more chance of one or two (or more!) "normal" embies for us.  So we have basically gone from 16 eggs collected, to 14 suitable for ICSI, to 9 fertilised, to 4 suitable for biopsy.

Ihave also in the last few moments realised something else, its not just not having a baby at the end of this that is a worry, it's putting ourselves and our marriages/relationships, and our bodies through all of this to get nothing in return.  I really don't know if I will be able to do all this again. On the verge of tears here but I can't as I'm sitting at work. Really hope boss takes his time coming in this afternoon I really could do without him being here.

Cannot wait to get home tonight.

The worst part is that NO-ONE seems to "get" it.  I know that sounds really selfish but no matter how much I explain it to people they don't understand.  Even my mum just said oh so your biopsy will remove the abnormal cells from those 4. If only mum, if only.


Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Egg Collection

So yesterday morning I got up at 6am and we left for the hospital at 6.50am.  Got there in plenty of time as usual, checked in at reception and waited in waiting room, there was already one couple waiting. We had a brief meeting with a nurse about the anaesthetic, then DH went to do his sample.  Then we had another brief meeting with the doctor about the procedure.  Taken into the recovery room by lovely nurse Janice who was there for my scan on Saturday, she did my obs showed me to my bed, I got undressed into their gown and went to the loo then theatre! Hubby was told to go away for an hour so he headed off to the shops for wander.  Got the cannula in my hand and it was actually quite sore when the drugs went in, very uncomfortable, also had mask on, very quickly i was out for the count.  It was supposed to just be sedation but it felt just like GA to me which I am glad about! Came around in recovery felt very sore, but generally fine. Heard one of the nurses say to another that when hubby comes back she needed to speak to him. I got very worried so I asked for my phone and text hubby to tell him to hurry up. When he got back he went to find out and basically his sperm quality was substantially reduced compared to last year, he had to do another sample. They decided to change from IVF to ICSI where they inject the sperm into the egg directly. Now I am really worried.   They collected 16 eggs which I was very pleased with.

After a while Janice came to get me up but as I sat up I was in agony and started to cry - oh the shame! So she hurriedly put me back to bed and got the doctor.  I got some more painkillers. A while later it was feeling less sore so I got up, went for a pee and got dressed.  Was told to wait in waiting room again.  Waited for ages then she came to discharge me, got my pessaries and told to call at 10.15am tomorrow. She did threaten to keep me in overnight as I was obviously in pain but she let me go with a promise to go to my local A&E if need be.

Took us ages to get home due to road works and I felt terrible.  Straight to bed, slept on and off. Felt absolutely terrible very nauseous and in pain, couldn't eat. Very kindly hubby slept in the spare room bless him.

Slept on and off all night, luckily had set alarm for 10am to call the lab at 10.15am.  Of the 16 eggs collected, 14 were suitable to be injected, and of the 14 9 have fertilised.  Called hubby to let him know and he came home from work as he said he is emotionally knackered lol.

Now I have to wait until 2pm on Thursday to find out how many are suitable to be biopsied!!


Sunday, 17 June 2012

Bit of a rollercoaster few days!

So we had our appointment on Friday 15th June to see how our follicles are coming along with the stimms.  As we were leaving hubby and I had a huge row so I told him not to come as he would stress me out so off I went myself.  8.15am appointment again didn't have to wait long. Weather was just awful torrential rain and wind it was a yellow weather warning - not pleasant. Scan was ok.  Lots of follicles and lining was ok too.  Only problem was the biggest of the follies only measured 15 and they have to be minimum of 17 :-( I got some bloods done and she gave me away some extra gonal f and also my ovitrelle hcg booster and said they would call me to let me know what the plan of action was.  Got back to the car just before 9am and cried my eyes out! The first hurdle of the cycle.  Had to wait until 10am for acupuncture so lots of time to think.  Hubby called me when I was in tears and told me to go home after acu instead of going to work, I agreed it was for the best.  Glad I had my acupuncture as it really helps chill me out and focus. 

Got home just before 12pm. Had a cuddle with hubby and I went to bed with my hot water bottle. Hospital called me at 3pm and said I would have to go back the next day (Saturday) for another scan.  If follicles not big enough they would keep me stimming until ready then do EC and freeze the eggs.  This was the biggest shock, for all the research I have done for my IVF PGD I have not looked at anything FET (frozen egg transfer) related. This scared me.  Luckily a friend on a fertility forum is pregnant through FET PGD which gave me some hope and she told me some questions to ask. Never underestimate the power of fertility forums, they are my lifeline!

Cue Saturday morning another awful day weather wise.  Had to go to the ACS Suite this time. I felt much less comfortable as I had to change into their gown, head cap and blue booties as we were in theatre lol! Scan didn't go aswell either was extremely uncomfortable as it wasn't working properly so she was moving it around all the time ouch!!! Eventually we got going. Lining has got thicker again. Still loads of follies and one at 18 yeah!!!! she then scared me by saying my cycle would probably be cancelled as there were so many follicles similar in size. i was numb.  While waiting for consultant, she said to me is this your first IUI I said not its my first IVF PGD, to which she looked horrified and said of course my cycle will be fine, she thought I was IUI as they don't normally scan IVF ladies on a Saturday. PHEW!!!!!

After a wait she came with the good news that EC can still go ahead on Monday and to take my gonal f and ovitrelle at 7.30pm that evening.  And my last sniff at 6pm that night woohoo!!

Again, spent the rest of the day with hot water bottle.  Today has been mostly the same, relaxing in my pjs keeping warm.  Have to fast from midnight tonight, then up at 6am to leave before 7am eeek!

If I am feeling up to it I will update tomorrow when I am home and hopefully it will all have gone well!


Tuesday, 12 June 2012

A Long Overdue Update...

Sorry for taking so long to update - again! I have just been taking each day as it comes really.

Had our next hospital appointment on Thursday 7th June at 8.15am arrived way too early again but were seen first which was good. Internal scan showed lining was thin and ready to go, then nurse showed me how to do my gonal-f injections of which I am having 225 per injection. Had some blood taken then off we went with my purple bag of drugs (purple has always been my favourite colour).  Hubby treated me to breakfast in the hospital canteen of toast and bacon which was yum then we had to walk down the city for my acupuncture appointment.  It was fab, she is just lovely and really "gets" it.  I first seen her on 31st May she knows her stuff and is clued up on my hospitals protocols and consultants names etc! 

On Thursday and friday I had gonal f injections twice daily then it went back to once a day which I have chosen to do in the evenings. Starting on Saturday 9th June I have to sniff buserelin 4 times per day 7am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm.  I was at my local horse show on Saturday I was there much longer than planned but it was a lovely sunny day and I didn't do too much except walking and holding my horse it was great to spend time with him and he won both of his classes and went champion :-) 

Sunday I felt pretty awful and rested for most of the day.  Luckily I was reading fifty shades of grey trilogy and they were fab, really took my mind off all things IVF :-)

I am struggling with work now I can't seem to concentrate at all but luckily one of my colleagues is fab and told me anything I don't fancy doing just give to her which I am really grateful of.

had a few rocky patches with hubby and he told me he thinks that if our IVF fails then I will leave him. You would think our infertility is down to him - but it's me! Well all we can do is ride it out.  It's his birthday today so I gathered up the energy to make him his favourite for dinner steak, mushrooms, onion rings and fried egg lol!

On that note, my mum made me a massive pot of chicken and vegetable soup to help me eat healthy and get protein which is great so I have been taking it to work for lunch.

Back to the hospital on Friday 15th June for another scan and bloods so hope that goes well.  Which means perhaps only 3 more injections (plus HCG booster) left to go!!

Thanks for reading I will endeavour to update more regularly.

As a last note one of my cycle buddies sadly had a really awful experience and I just want to take this moment to say I regularly think of you hun and will always be here for you xxx

Love MrsM

Friday, 18 May 2012

Had first injection of many!

Well Wednesday 16th at 8.15am was our appointment.  We left in plenty of time as have to head into busy city centre and were there in plenty of time.  The were running late so didn't get seen until 8.35am it was very quick 10 minute appointment, I was more nervous than normal about the injection as it was a different nurse.  The injection itself wasn't sore but it was nippy when the stuff went in!

On way out we treated ourselves to a hot chocolate and it was very disappointing :-(

Got to work at 9.30am which was good so less time to work back! A few hours later I was getting mild abdominal pains and sore heads.  Was so tired in the evening I went to bed at 8pm!  I did read for an hour which was good to de-stress and wind down.

All day on Thursday I was in agony it was awful I could barely walk it felt like someone was stabbing me in the tummy.  I was desperately drinking as much water as possible but it didn't seem to help.  Again was in bed at 8pm but was at the toilet peeing at least every half an hour had a terrible sleep.  BUT I actually feel much better today so the water must be doing the trick eventually!  Now I need to try and drink more in the day than in the evening so I can sleep without feeling like my bladder is going to burst.

Hubby is being great I am so impressed with him I hope he keeps it up!


Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Treatment Card!

Sorry been a bit slow in updating been very busy.

So I got my treatment card through which is great and is as follows:-

16/05/12 Prostap injection
07/06/12 Gonal f injections start 225iu x 2, blood test, scan
08/06/12 Gonal f injection 225iu x 2
09/06/12 to 14/06/12Gonal f injection 225iu and buserelin nasal spray 7am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm
15/06/12 Gonal f injection, buserelin spray, blood test, scan
16/06/12 Gonal f injection, buserelin spray, hcg injection
18/06/12 Egg collection
19/06/12 Phone lab to check fertilisation
21/06/12 cyclogest pessaries (biopsy day)
22/06/12 Embryo Transfer
03/07/12 Blood pregnancy test!

So it is all very real now and a week today I will have had my first injection!

I have been manically trying to get lots done around the house etc so there isn't so much on my mind when treatment starts!

Will be sure to keep you updated after first appointment next week

MrsM xx

Friday, 27 April 2012

Finally we are on the move!!

Well I am pleased to say I finally got dates from the hospital yesterday when AF showed up.  So first appointment for prostap injection is 8.15am on 15th May!!! I honestly didn't think I would be started this cycle so it was a bit of a surprise but a good one! And now to look forward to my body being put into menopause oh joy the things we do eh lol! Glad I started my diet just over a week ago so now can seriously follow it with this to look forward to.  And have Scone Horse Trials tomorrow to look forward to aswell and I better make the most of it as I don't think I will be up to going to the next event which is Floors on 19th May but I will see how I feel :-)

MrsM xx

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Week One in on positive outlook

Well all in all the week hasn't been too bad.  I cut out caffeine completely, have been eating a lot better although have had a few treats lol, back on vitamins and been riding again too.  I think a major help is the weather has been really good which I feel lifts your spirits :-)

Weirdly looking forward to AF arriving in next 3 weeks everything crossed I will get to start treatment, but I doubt it so trying not to get my hopes up too much.

MrsM xx

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Positive Outlook??

Well its Sunday evening and Im going to try to take on the beginning of the week with some positivity! Starting to get back to healthy eating, taking vitamins again and also getting to ride again yay! Think it helps that the weather has been lovely all weekend which brightens the spirits a bit!

I had reflexology yesterday and it was an hour of pure bliss! I still want to go for acupuncture so can't afford both but I would definitely recommend it!

Have my annual review at work on Wednesday which I am not looking forward to as there is so much I am not happy with but we will see what happens!

MrsM xx

Monday, 19 March 2012

Sorry for abandoning blog!

Apologies for being AWOL :-)

Ok so since my last blog we had our appointment on 22nd Feb filled in all consent forms, I had more bloods done to test AMH again and also vaginal swabs.  The she dropped a bombshell that we won't actually be starting in April it will now be June/July.  I have to start to call her from next month at the start of each cycle and she will fit us in from there.  This caught me off guard to be honest as she told me April, if not earlier.  And yes it may not seem much longer its just moving the goal posts again and affecting our day to day lives again. 

So what else has been happening, well I got a new washing machine which is amazing!!!! My horse (well friends horse I ride) went lame and has been off work for over a month but is gradually getting better now.   Had a lovely night out with the girls from the stables to pizza hut then to see war horse at the cinema. Had my first ever acupuncture and it was an awful experience, the man was just horrible but after emails to and from the manager I got most of my money back and Im getting a free reflexology session with a different practitioner. Now need to go into Glasgow city centre for a decent acupuncturist which is a pain but Im not risking that again!

On the 16th Feb we found out our darling baby dog (2.5 years old) was dying with stage 4 lymphoma and leukemia.  On 3rd march we said goodbye to him. We are so sad to lose our big softy boy who was to grow up with our baby (positive thinking).  He has left a very big hole in our lives. a lady I know is doing me a drawing of him for my hubbys birthday I cant wait.

So after all of this I have stopped my healthy eating, been drinking coffee again, have got very drunk once or twice (after not drinking since New year), stopped taking my vitamins.  Work has been a living hell this year so far too for many reasons and its not going to get better any time soon.  Doesnt help that I am so skint and cant stop worrying about it, a wee lottery win would do nicely right about now!

Now Im not riding at all since horses owner is doing it all so need to do something to get fit and healthy again, mega busy week working in Glasgow training so as of next week I will be starting a new regime hopefully lol!

Thanks for reading all this if you did


Monday, 30 January 2012

Feeling Better

Had a nice weekend with hubby, and we also had awesome sex lol! After 3.5 years of baby making sex it is sooo good to be doing it for fun again!

And we are also talking about times when we have our baby in our lives so we seem to be pretty positive at the moment, I just don't want us to pin all our hopes on this then it not to work :-(

Work is still terrible and it is making me exhausted mentally, hubby is working late tonight and tomorrow night so hope to get a better sleep without his snoring!

MrsM xx

Thursday, 26 January 2012


Well I'm not doing so good this week, hubby and I keep falling out and having huge arguments about really silly things, like last night when we got home and realised I had forgot to put slow cooker on for dinner - really not the end of the world but he went off on one.

Since finding out about our appointments and upcoming treatment I feel like a new woman. Most evenings are spent researching my treatment or acupuncture or vitamins and also washing machine shopping as we needed a new one and I wanted to get the best deal I could. I spent a whole day doing loads of cleaning, tidying etc cleaned the windows inside and outside, cleared out all the cupboards in the kitchen etc you know not the normal day to day housework stuff.  I have been trying to get into a routine with regard to general housework etc but he just can't let me find my way and get into my routine he goes on about how I will never cope when I have a baby and we will have to "get rid" of the dogs etc. 

In one way I can see why he thinks that as I have been terrible for the past few years as all this not being able to have a bably was weighing me down I hardly did anything in the house and went to the stables a lot to try to keep my spirits up. But now there is a light at the end of the tunnel with our IVF coming soon I am really trying and I want everything to be perfect and sorted and in a routine for starting our IVF journey. He doesnt seem to see this. And he doesnt realise that he must have this little fantasy world in his mind nothing is ever going to be perfect and Im sure its not just us, other households are the same as Im pretty certain they are not all domestic goddesses.  I really dont want to lose our dogs they are my first babies and god forbid the IVF doesnt work then I wouldnt have them to cuddle and baby IYKWIM.

He is so head strong and there is just no getting through to him.  It has really upset me. So much so Im thinking are we really meant to be together. Are we doing the right thing bringing a baby into this.  Why can't he just love me for who I am instead of trying to change me. He is far from being a model husband but I accept him for all he is and can only dream of changing him.

Sorry for the rant I am pretty upset and don't know where to go from here. Can't just sweep this argument under the carpet like we normally do......


Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Paperwork in!!!

Well on Monday 16th January I got a letter from ACS with a screening appointment date is 22nd February!!! Some general forms to fill in and hubby needs to get an NHS card as he doesn't have one.

Still trying to decide on an acupuncturist, so confusing as I live, work and get treatment in different places so no matter what it will mean travelling involved and Im really no good at Glasgow driving. Might go with one beside the train station and cheat lol!

Spent ALL day cleaning the house today I was like a mad woman but I think I'm just getting focused now on our future and the possibility we may have a baby soon, whereas  I had been drifting from day to day, month to month not really caring about anything. Now I feel I can move forward and it is such a good feeling!!


Sunday, 15 January 2012


Well I have spent all my spare time since finding out on Wednesday, researching and more researching about the treatment and also looking into acupuncture.  I have read so much over the last year about IVF PGD but now it's for real! Eeeek! Have emailed a few acupuncturists lets hope we can work out a way to afford it as I do think it would help massively.

MrsM xx

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

11th January 2012 - Could this be our year?!

Well what a day!

I have recently been suffering from extremely bad period pain and heavy periods, also very tender boobs all the way from just before OV until AF and I just couldn't take it any longer, today I had had enough.  So before calling the GP to make an appointment I thought I had better call the hospital PGD coordinator first.  Oh my she was sooo nice.  I must have had some sort of psychic moment as she had my file in front of her when I called! All my work up is complete and she was basically fitting in appointments for me and 6 people before me and she said I will probably be April (start of new financial year). I was sooo excited I was over the moon.  Called hubby straight away and told him but he went quiet finally I realised he was crying with tears of joy!

So needless to say we are very happy tonight but need to get to grips with the fact that this is now becoming a reality :-)

MrsM xx